


A History of Joy and Love

by shutupeccles



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Community: rs_games, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, M/M, Marauders' Era, Mild Language, Mild Sexual Content, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-25
Updated: 2014-10-25
Packaged: 2018-02-22 14:32:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2511140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shutupeccles/pseuds/shutupeccles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Energetic friendship between four cheeky wizards, and a youthful romance that survives the bleakest of winters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A History of Joy and Love

**Author's Note:**

> written to fulfil rs_games prompt: “Spring passes and one remembers one's innocence.  
> Summer passes and one remembers one's exuberance.  
> Autumn passes and one remembers one's reverence.  
> Winter passes and one remembers one's perseverance.”  
> ~ Yoko Ono
> 
> “Helter skelter in the summer swelter” is a lyric from _American pie_ by Don Maclean

**Spring of Innocence**

Poppy Pomfrey made it seem she’d been in her office all along when three First Year boys burst through the infirmary doors and looked around. There could be only one reason these Gryffindors were here at this particular time: they were in search of the fourth. Poppy hadn’t expected this confrontation so soon.

“Well of course he wouldn’t be **here** ,” said James Potter with one hand squeezing a stitch from his side. The other shoved wire-rimmed spectacles closer to his eyes and tried pushing his black fringe out of the way at the same time. Thwarted plans and the pain from the stitch made him squint at the shortest member of the group.

“They have to be keeping him **somewhere** ,” Peter Pettigrew insisted defensively. He held his knees and panted gruffly between sentences. His mouse-brown hair was too short to fall across his eyes as he stared up at his friends. “They can’t just let him loose on school grounds!”

Sirius Black ignored their bickering and calmly scoped the premises for the nearest authority figure. Curly black hair cascaded down one side of his face without obscuring his physical resemblance to parents he hated so desperately. He clearly didn’t mind inheriting Orion’s innate cockiness, Poppy thought as Sirius leaned against the doorjamb upon finding her filing accident reports in her office, letting his presence go un-noticed until his friends joined him.

“We know Remus is a werewolf,” Sirius told Poppy before she found a suitable red herring to toss in front of them. His impish grin would no doubt ripen into a lethal weapon against all virtue before he left Hogwarts.

“How can we help?” the three boys chorused.

Poppy looked closely at the children in front of her, taking care not to be blinded by their enthusiastic candour. Each expression shone with determination, love for a friend, the prospect of adventure, and just the right amount of fear. Not one boy was angry about not being told their roommate was a werewolf. It seemed that mouldy old hat knew what it was doing when it sorted Remus Lupin in with these rascals for the next seven years. Poppy carefully hid her smile of approval while closing and vanishing her files. “Well,” she said. “Let’s see what the Headmaster has to say about this theory of yours.”

~

Remus often used his mother’s embroidered dressing gown for a dragon costume when he was a toddler. He would chase his parents as they ran and hid in mock terror, all three laughing between snarling growls and exaggerated cries for help. The dragon had been extremely ticklish. Dad had been an expert tickler and therefore Mummy’s hero. Mum would then reclaim her dressing gown and sit Remus in her lap, cuddling him close and combing his hair while Dad told Remus the true story about saving Mum from a Boggart on the night they met. His mother thought magic and dragons were all made up before that night. _“…and now I have_ two _wonderful wizards filling my life with magic,”_ she’d say while tucking Remus into bed with a big smile and lots of kisses.

The game stopped once Remus became a werewolf and his parents’ fear of him became real.

Remus remembered dragging the dragon-gown into bed and hiding his tears under it while Mum yelled at Dad: _“What manner of useless wizard are you if you can’t stop this happening to our son?”_

Brightly coloured dormitory furnishings and the warm smile on Professor Dumbledore’s face couldn’t keep that same despair from nibbling at Remus as the Headmaster and Madam Pomfrey explained that James, Peter, and Sirius had discovered his dreadful secret. The magical phrases “You’re not being expelled” and “Your friends believe we aren’t taking very good care of you, and insist we require their help” beat dread to death with a heavy, nail-studded Troll club before Professor McGonagall ushered the other three boys into the dorm room for a private seminar about werewolves. Then the adults left Remus to fend for himself. He couldn’t believe some of the questions his roommates asked about being a werewolf—particularly the rude ones!

“I never thought about it. I hope not,” he said in regards to James Potter’s query about ball-sniffing.

“Because Granny’s got this terrier that instantly sniffs out my nuts the moment I sit down. So I thought: imagine a werewolf…”

“A werewolf is more likely to tear your nuts out through your throat,” Sirius told James. “Not that they can help that,” he added with an apologetic pout at Remus. Then all three of Remus’ roommates asked if they could see his scars.

Remus hesitated then realised this request was no different to asking to see Regina Throgmorton’s appendix scar in kindergarten, and lifted his pyjama shirt.

Peter went pale and turned away. James asked if he could touch the mass of scar tissue. Sirius hissed “Merlin’s nuts, that’s got to hurt!” between his teeth.

“It did all that to you?” Peter asked while staring steadfastly at the ceiling.

“No. I did these and that one, that one too I think.” He’d been a bit accident prone for the first few months after the attack and had fallen off his bike onto a barbed wire fence. Most of his injuries were moon-related, though.

Peter peered sideways as Remus pointed out various wounds he’d accumulated over the years. James’ eyes grew wider than the lenses of his spectacles. Sirius frowned, not a cranky frown, the kind of worried frown Remus’ parents tried to hide whenever they found new damage to their son’s skin.

“Why would anyone hurt themselves on purpose like that?” Sirius asked.

“I don’t. The werewolf does.” Remus waited for them to change their minds about being his friends. No one moved.

“Why?” Peter asked.

“Think of it as a parasite brought out by full moons. It can’t wait to get out and doesn’t want to go back in. I suppose it thinks it can be free by killing me.”

James swore.

“What do you mean ‘you suppose it thinks’?” asked Sirius. Peter nodded. James stopped swearing and sat on one side of Remus’s bed to listen.

“We haven’t actually met,” Remus replied wryly. His friends smiled. “I don’t remember anything the werewolf does or how it feels. I don’t even know what I look like when it’s moon time. I can only guess.” No one spoke. Remus plucked fraying fibres from the side curtain. “That’s what scares me most: that I’ll never know what the werewolf’s doing.”

“But you’ll always get the blame,” Sirius spoke in a voice familiar with that particular injustice. Remus nodded. Sirius gave Remus’s leg a rough but comradely pat. Remus smiled his thanks and dusted the fuzz from his fingers.

“That’s a pretty accurate guess though,” said Peter. Everyone looked at him, slightly confused. “About it not liking you,” he said and pointed at Remus’ lowered pyjama shirt. “Who’d do that to someone they liked?”

All four boys stared at the end of Remus’ bed in solemn silence and Remus realised his parents had become afraid **for** him, not of him.

“We’ll find a way to make sure you never get blamed for what the werewolf’s doing,” James said before the silence became uncomfortable. “Won’t we, Sirius?”

Sirius nodded.

“And me,” said Peter. “We’ll be a gang of protectors.”

“Worst gang name ever,” muttered Sirius.

“Especially with all the mischief you and James get up to,” said Remus. Sirius added a wink of approval to his proud grin.

“We’ll find something suitable,” declared James. His roommates nodded. “Until then, I’ve got a secret of my own. It’s nowhere near as exciting as Loony Loopy Lupin’s,” he added, borrowing the ditty Peeves the Poltergeist sang about Remus.

“ **Moony** Loopy Lupin,” corrected Sirius. Remus grinned with the others. “Hey, is that an invisibility cloak?” Sirius asked as James took some rumpled cloth out of his trunk and shook it.

James nodded and demonstrated. “It could probably cover all of us,” he said. James, Sirius, and Peter piled onto the bed around Remus. James tossed the cloak over them all and their reflections disappeared from the window pane. “Just don’t fart in it, alright?” demanded James. His friends laughed and made fake fart noises until it stopped being funny. “I was thinking we could use this to sneak into the infirmary and visit Moony while he’s recovering until we figure out a better way to keep him company.”

“No lone wolves,” said Peter.

“Just a pack of marauders,” said Remus.

Sirius tousled Remus’ hair. “Good one Moony.”

“Marauders we are, then,” James said before farting under the cloak. He accused Sirius of doing it but Peter knew who to blame and did so, loudly.

“I’m not sleeping in that,” yelled Remus as he jumped out of bed and dashed across the room to James’. Peter and Sirius sat on top of the covers either side of Remus so James couldn’t haul him out. Pillows, laughter, dirty socks, and a pair of Wimbourne Wasps underpants—“They’re clean!” Peter insisted—flew across the room until Professor McGonagall came upstairs to threaten the boys with detention. Remus was certain she snuck a smile his way between the stern words.

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry had to be the most amazing place in the world!

**Exuberant Summer**

The Potters’ backyard was surrounded by bird feeders, sea-shell encrusted plant pots hanging in macramé slings, and wind chimes of metal and wood, all made by Granny Potter. An above ground swimming pool replaced the scaled down quidditch pitch during summer, and the Marauders made excellent use of it after completing their OWL exams.

“Helter skelter in the summer swelter—and however the next bit goes!” Moony sang loudly before Padfoot and Prongs leapt on him, pushing him under the water while Wormtail laughed. Their voices were distorted into wobbly nonsense by the waves they created. Moony forced himself out of their grasp and into the air, spraying chlorinated water and out-breath into somebody’s face. Padfoot’s, Moony discovered after flicking his sopping fringe from his eyes. He didn’t remain upright for long. Padfoot hooked an ankle behind Moony’s and grabbed his shoulders, falling on top of him and weighing him down, making it difficult to breathe until Prongs hauled Padfoot up and away.

“No underage sex in my pool!” Prongs declared bossily.

Moony felt uncomfortable. He didn’t think anyone knew he was bent for Padfoot and Padfoot clearly resented Prongs’ insinuation that they were a pair of queers.

Wormtail’s brain chose a different direction and dragged the rest of the Marauders along for the ride. “Does that mean your olds do it in here?” he asked Prongs with a bamboozled frown.

“Oh, god!” Moony did not want to think about Mr and Mrs Potter committing hanky-panky in this very pool, in any pool, anywhere.

Neither did Prongs. “Merlin’s nuts!” he exclaimed.

“Yuck, yuck, yuck,” chanted Padfoot as he ran for the side ladder with large strides and wildly sweeping arms.

The race was on and all four Marauders fought to be first out of the pool. Friends were tripped or shoved out of the way without mercy. Moony reached the ladder first and felt someone’s hand pushing his bum to hurry him up. He hoped it was Padfoot and then hoped, hoped, hoped it wasn’t as his knob began to stir at that possibility. Cold water splashed against his back from different directions. Moony lost his grip as his spine arched in response. Padfoot caught him…which meant Padfoot had been directly behind him, which meant it **had** been Padfoot’s hand on his bum.

“Nice of you to drop in, Remus.”

Oh god, had Sirius sounded so grown up before? That grin of his was positively lethal as water drip-dropped from his black fringe. Polished metal wind chimes and cresting waves reflected the sunlight into Moony’s eyes. It stung so bad he covered them with the butt of both hands.

“It’s not that embarrassing,” said Padfoot as he set Moony on the ladder.

“Swooning like a girl because you got a little wet,” Prongs added.

Moony kicked a sharp, narrow spray into Prongs’ face while insisting it had been a very manly swoon and he had gotten very wet.

Wormtail grabbed his belly and laughed. His laughter grew as his fellow Marauders stared at him. Eventually Wormtail calmed down enough to grasp his side and take big gulping breaths. He pointed at Prongs. “You, trying to be smutty by saying Moony got wet like a girl…”

Padfoot chortled. Moony splashed him with one hand while kicking more water at Prongs. Wormtail hadn’t finished yet.

“But, he got you back by kicking Potter-parent-spoof-filled pool water all over your face! Ha-HAH!”

“That’s right! Yuck, yuck, yuck,” Padfoot said again while comically tippy-toeing to the ladder with both hands high in the air. Moony laughed and gave him a hand up.

Prongs yelled “Right!” and dove toward Wormtail. “Have some spunky pool water in **your** face!”

Wormtail let out a large squeak then slipped out of reach at the last moment so Prongs belly flopped to the bottom. Padfoot let out an enormous bark of laughter as he squished himself beside Moony atop the ladder. “Run Wormy! Go, go!” they cheered while Prongs chased after Wormtail.

Moony didn’t know where to put his right hand now Padfoot sat so close beside him. He gripped the back of the broad step they sat on but then Padfoot wriggled back so their thighs weren’t so squished and his bum came to rest right against Moony’s wrist. His glistening, sunburnt back pressed against Moony’s forearm. Before Moony could move away, Padfoot copied his posture so they essentially sat with an arm round each other. This was what poets meant by ‘beautiful torment’, Moony reasoned.

“Sirius,” he whispered nervously.

“Moo-oony,” Sirius crooned with a softer, yet horribly more intimate version of his earlier grin as he shifted slightly to face Remus directly.

Remus stared with his mouth slightly open while wondering how to get both hands into those swimming trunks. Sirius had to feel as incredible as he looked. Kissing him would be amazing.

“Remus,” Sirius said soberly. “…”

Wormtail and Prongs collided with the ladder. Sirius muttered “Cock-blocker Potter!” before jumping into the fray with an almighty splash that left every Marauder drenched. It took Remus less than two seconds to decide how to proceed with Sirius. They’d only just finished their OWLs and still had NEWTs ahead. Friendship was currently all they could successfully make time for. He dove back into the water with his friends and vowed to be honest with Sirius.

~

Sirius understood and ardently wished they were already older. “So we’d both know for certain this isn’t some high school crush between friends,” he admitted to Remus when it was time to say goodbye. Moony had to spend the next week of the holidays at home for safety reasons—and mostly because his parents loved him. Sirius understood that too, although Walburga and Orion Black hated Sirius so much he practically lived at his friends’ houses.

Remus kissed him on the cheek. “Consider that a down-payment. You’re on reserve until we figure this out.”

Sirius put both arms around Remus, holding him by shoulder and ribs, in order to give him a proper kiss on the mouth. He’d been yearning to do this for ages.

“Please don’t.”

Sirius felt the sorrow of his heart’s favourite in those words, and reluctantly obeyed.

“If Dumbledore or your brother found out—I’d be a lot worse than expelled and you’d be a lot worse than disowned.”

“Remus, you don’t need to explain.”

“Yes I do.” Remus was adamant. “There isn’t anything wrong with **you** , Sirius.” His left hand combed through the tousled hair hanging over Sirius’ right ear. It felt lovely. Sirius closed his eyes and made an involuntary ‘mm’ sound while Remus continued combing and speaking, oblivious to the effect he was having on Sirius. “I can’t let you be involved with something you’d regret. I need to know a lot more about my condition before starting a physical relationship.”

Sirius couldn’t help laughing, even though the situation promised to hurt for a good while longer. “Always the perfectly responsible prefect,” he said to tease Remus.

Remus snorted. “Decidedly below average prefect, judging by the detention records of my friends,” he said.

Sirius smiled and kissed Remus on the cheek. “Now you’re on reserve, too.” He stepped back and stuffed both hands into his back pockets. Otherwise he’d grab Remus and snog him through to adulthood. After that… “What I was going to say earlier, at the pool, I think you know. Don’t you Remus?”

“I was too, first, but, well, you know. And that just proves my immaturity,” Remus concluded with a grimace.

“Despite your manly swoon,” Sirius couldn’t resist saying.

“Piss off,” Moony said with a smile and took a fake swipe at Sirius’ arm.

“Better let you go.”

“Not completely.”

“Never completely,” Sirius promised.

**Autumn Reverence**

Hailstones pummelled the Hogwarts quidditch pitch in an act of unforgiveable sacrilege. James muttered his opinion of the weather to the window pane, but that wasn’t all that bothered him.

Gryffindor tower was stuffy, silent, and dark on this late autumn night. It wasn’t cold enough for a fire, despite the hail, but too cold outside to open a window. Everyone but Moony, Padfoot, and Prongs were tucked up snug in their four-poster beds. Hardly a suitable way for Sirius Orion Black to spend his seventeenth birthday! Lying on the tatty old common room rug in the shape of a dog beside a tattier—if not older—couch that bore a weary teenager on the cusp of becoming a werewolf for the…

James stopped to do a bit of math. Twelve times eleven-ish…

Without lifting his head from his paws, Padfoot turned slightly toward James, just enough for their eyes to meet before Padfoot turned away and pushed up with both forepaws in order to rest his muzzle on the cushion within reach of Moony’s left hand. Moony’s fingers automatically tucked behind Padfoot’s right ear and began a weird scratch-pat motion the other Marauders couldn’t imitate. Padfoot normally closed his eyes and rumbled when Moony did that. This time he stared steadfastly at Moony’s face. James looked too as Moony closed his eyes and slowly turned his grimacing face toward the back of the couch. Hours to go and Moony’s movements already resembled those of an old man, although his fingers maintained their resolute path through Padfoot’s fur. This cycle promised to be a bad one. He’d endured more than one hundred of them on his own, completely alone, sometimes missing his birthday because of it.

James realised why Padfoot decided to stay here instead of partying it up in Hogsmeade until it was time to join Moony in the Shrieking Shack like they’d arranged—and why Moony’s hand continued that unique motion behind Padfoot’s ear. No wonder Padfoot snapped and barked whenever Wormtail or Prongs tried to pat him like that. James’ heart hurt for them both. He went upstairs without saying goodnight in case he accidentally said or did something to make their situation worse instead of better.

Peter was not asleep in the Marauders’ dormitory. He sat on the very edge of his bed. The hurried way he lowered his feet to the floor showed he’d been hugging his knees and crying into his pyjama sleeves. “Sad, isn’t it?” he said in acknowledgement of James’ unexpressed epiphany. James was surprised that Peter had already twigged. “Moony loves him, you know? But thinks he’s suffered enough. Why give the Blacks and like-minded arseholes more ammunition against Sirius? I doubt Sirius cares about that. If he does then he shouldn’t,” Peter said glumly.

James put his wand in its usual place on the bedside cabinet he shared with Sirius. There were enough cabinets for one each but for some reason they’d always shared this one between their beds. It felt strange to hear that Moony and Wormtail shared things that didn’t include Padfoot or Prongs. It wasn’t bad strange.

“I think Sirius feels the same, only in reverse—that Moony’s life sucks enough. He hasn’t said anything,” James admitted. “But…”

“Tonight made it pretty obvious.”

James nodded.

Peter smiled suddenly and sat with a more relaxed posture. “So how do we get them together?” he asked eagerly. Wormtail and Prongs weren’t often teammates when it came to Marauding.

James sat on his bed and loosened his ‘going out’ tie as he thought, then removed his shoes and socks while he thought some more. This was the most important quest of all. “I think we should wait until we finish school, or at least encourage them to do the same if they hook up without our intervention. It’s going to be awkward if they quarrel or break up. Sharing a room with the pair of them going at it will be unbearable.”

Peter grimaced. James laughed. Then they both sighed.

“Do you think they can make it last?” Peter asked as he got out of his pyjamas and into day clothes ahead of the Animagus change.

James looked in the approximate direction of the common room. Getting ready early might be a good idea. He decided to skip pyjamas and go directly to daywear. “Why wouldn’t they?” he asked while opening his trunk.

“Well, mightn’t Padfoot find it difficult coping with the moony aspect after a while?”

“What—you think it’s a phase?” James took offense on his best friend’s behalf.

“I’m **worried** it’s a phase. Not a werewolf-kink phase, just, a nice-boy phase. Sirius likes risk. There’s nothing dangerous about Remus—you know what I mean. I won’t let anyone hurt Remus, especially not his friends.”

“Have you got a thing for Moony?” James teased. He hoped it was only teasing, otherwise Peter’s tears had a very different source and James didn’t think he could survive NEWT while living amongst that kind of mess. He was suddenly engulfed in pillows as Peter charmed them to fly at James’ head.

“ **Remus is my best friend!** Some of the jokes you and Sirius make at his expense aren’t very nice. He’s too afraid to say anything in case you turn against him. By you I mean both of you, since you share one brain when it comes to opinions of other people.” Peter squared his shoulders although he blinked very fast. “Hate me all you want for that, but if either of you turn against Remus—just once—I’ll make both your lives miserable for eternity.” Peter closed his eyes and clenched his fists against whatever James chose to hit him with.

James stared in astonished admiration.

Peter cautiously opened one eye and swiftly closed it again.

“Relax Peter, you’re safe.” James stepped forward to give him a series of reassuring pats on the upper arm. “You’re always saying you don’t know why the Hat put you in Gryffindor, well, now we both know.” He grinned once Peter opened his eyes, and then nodded to prove he was utterly genuine. “Moony’s blessed to have a friend like you, mate. Sirius isn’t out there with him now because of pity.”

“I’m not the one who needs convincing.”

James had no reply for that. He changed clothes in silence and was buttoning his fly when Sirius poked his head through the dormitory door. His grey irises were surrounded by pinkish-orange rather than white. James wondered how long Sirius had been suffering over this and why he’d chosen to keep it to himself.

“Sorry to interrupt this mothers meeting, but Moony needs an escort to the infirmary. Wormtail,” said Sirius.

“He’d rather you take him,” Peter replied.

“Not just because you’re more his height,” James added as a casual hint.

Sirius gave James a look that inferred James was a mountain troll’s armpit. Then the bronze Knut began to drop. He looked at Peter, James, Peter again. Peter smirked. Sirius **beamed**. James immediately bit back a snarky comment, because seeing that goofy smile on his best friend’s face gave James the same feeling he’d get by jumping into massive piles of crunchy leaves when he was seven.

“You don’t think me wanting to get with Moony is crushy, mushy, and stupid?” Sirius asked and James couldn’t help grinning back at him.

“Wasting time in here while Moony’s out there pining for you, that’d be stupid,” Peter muttered.

Sirius hurried out. James chuckled then hurried under his father’s invisibility cloak and made room for Peter. They crept downstairs to the common room without going in to watch as Sirius carefully, lovingly, helped Remus to a sitting position before hooking Remus’ arm across his shoulders and hoisting Remus to his feet. Sirius then put an arm around Remus’ back and edged closer until he supported the majority of Remus’ weight.

“You right, Moony?” Sirius asked softly. “Be honest.”

“This hasn’t hurt so much in years.”

“Growth spurt? Maybe your dick will be as big as mine by the end of it.”

“Too sore to deliver the derisive snort that remark deserves,” Remus grunted.

Sirius chuckled gently and apologised for shaking Moony’s aching body. Their eyes met but then turned steadfastly toward the exit. Moony glanced over his shoulder in the direction of the dormitory stairs as the portrait swung open. Wormtail and Prongs lifted the cloak and tilted their heads toward each other’s shoulder as a hint. Moony smiled wanly and leaned more heavily against Sirius. Sirius clutched Remus more tightly in response, his expression full of tender concern as he helped Remus through the portrait.

Remus returned the look. “Thank you.”

“My pleasure,” Sirius replied earnestly.

James found himself hissing “Kiss him!” across the room.

Sirius kissed Remus on the forehead. “More when you’re well?” he asked gently.

“Now please.”

And that’s when the portrait door swung shut, blocking them from view.

“Convince them to wait until we leave school?” Peter mockingly asked James.

James shrugged. He was too overwhelmed by what he’d witnessed to respond any other way.

~

A non-verbal spell ensured none of the portraits could see or hear Sirius Black kissing Remus Lupin. Sirius had rough-skinned yet deceptively soft lips. Remus parted them with his and they shared an open mouthed kiss that made time feel irrelevant.

“Wow,” Remus said. Although he was still in pain, he couldn’t care so much about that right now. “Worth the wait,” he added truthfully and hoped Sirius agreed.

“The reserve price was pretty low, considering current property values,” said Sirius and began to move Remus along.

“More when I’m well?” Remus asked as they shuffled along the corridor.

“Yes please,” Sirius said with a brief but wonderfully bright smile.

“I love you; even more for letting me say it first.”

“Knowing you wanted to, from when you first tried to say it, made not hearing it increasingly awful. I didn’t believe you’d hold out for so long… Merlin’s nuts! Is this place built of stairs?” Sirius groused loudly as they reached only the second landing of lots.

Remus chuckled then groaned abruptly because it hurt. “Be less amusing, please.”

“We should have left earlier.”

“No. You can’t be Padfoot in the infirmary.” Remus was too physically distressed to describe how stroking Padfoot’s ear reminded him of the way Sirius responded to his touch and almost declaration of love, that joyfully boisterous summer.

“Remus Lupin: incurable romantic,” Sirius said in the manner of ‘mm’ and they realised they’d been declaring their love for more than a year without saying the words.

Sirius sent a Patronus to let Madam Pomfrey know he’d be taking Remus directly to the Whomping Willow. “Holy harpies, it worked!” Sirius exclaimed as the figure made of light dropped to all fours for extra speed.

“What the hell was that?” exclaimed Remus.

“A Patronus.”

“No der, the way you shouted _Expecto Patronum_ kind of gave that away.”

“My Patronus,” Sirius said in awe. “Moony, it’s you.”

“I couldn’t possibly look like that.” The Patronus had been strangely elegant, lithe and beautiful.

“Your fur isn’t silver and you don’t move quite that fast,” Sirius quipped at first. “Did you expect to be ugly?” he asked sadly then continued talking when Remus didn’t reply. “Your werewolf isn’t a monster, Remus. He’s sad, confused, and hates not having his own identity. He attacks people, trying to take theirs because he thinks they might’ve stolen his. Animals don’t have hidden agendas, so he trusts them. His coat is soft and his eyes are keen. He has massive paws and I’m **truly** envious of his tail.” Sirius and Remus both chuckled briefly. “He’s extraordinary, Remus, and yet nothing compared to you.”

“Or to you,” Remus said earnestly. He wanted to say so much more but needed to conserve his energy. “We need to hurry.”

They made the rest of the arduous journey in silence. Madam Pomfrey joined them along the way and tried to shoo Sirius back to the common room. Sirius took a more possessive hold and Remus refused to let go of Sirius.

“It’s like that, is it?” Madam Pomfrey asked crisply.

“Yes it is,” Sirius replied mildly. He and Remus smiled at each other and insisted on kissing goodbye at the Whomping Willow. “I love you too,” Sirius told Remus. “Padfoot will see Moony soon,” he added in a whisper and kissed Remus on the forehead again before ‘leaving’ with Madam Pomfrey.

Bliss proved to be an inadequate analgesic outside of romantic fiction yet the pain failed to diminish Remus’s happiness.

**Dogged Winters**

Padfoot and Moony belted it out across the crusty snow beneath a blue sky dominated by a full moon. Day moons were their favourite. Padfoot was ecstatic that Moony had accepted the invitation to come to his place, **Sirius** ’s place, bought with money Uncle Alphard willed to him. Running eased the pain of that particular loss, so long as he ran with Moony. Whether they had four legs or two, there was no better running companion than Remus, although Remus was far slower than Sirius and Padfoot far slower than Moony. The faster runner changed their gait accordingly until the slower encouraged him to burst ahead pell-mell and then later barked or called for him to wait up.

It was a shame that Remus could never remember this aspect of himself and their illicit freedom. The gaps in memory, loss of identity and physical agony that accompanied each change ate away at a werewolf’s humanity, which was why so many went mad. ‘Went mad’ was too basic and inaccurate but none of the Marauder’s knew a better way to express it. Fearing that could happen to Remus made them doubly determined to prevent it at all costs.

_“Remus is stronger than you think. And far too forgiving,” Peter had told Sirius angrily after that horrible incident with Snape. “I’d shove **you** in front of a werewolf if that wouldn’t upset him further—one of those menacing mad ones, any werewolf but Moony. You’re such a tosser.”_

Padfoot stumbled in a softer, deeper patch of snow and ploughed nose first into the ground. Moony turned and hoot-howled in laughter, then slowly circled Padfoot as the massive dog got to his paws. The werewolf lightly touched his muzzle to Padfoot’s shoulder. Yes, that’s where it hurts, Sirius thought. The werewolf licked the spot, like a canine parent or mate kissing a loved one better. Sirius wished Remus knew these things happened between them without being told. At first he thought it meant their deep love for each other was helping Remus gain control of the werewolf, but that simply wasn’t true. Padfoot ran again despite the twinge in his shoulder. Running obliterated the pain of riddles he couldn’t solve. Running together was one way they expressed their friendship and love. Form didn’t matter.

Spending the Christmas holiday alone with Remus mattered, even if they did have to remain celibate.

~

Sirius watched his boyfriend’s sleeping face.

The recent transition from werewolf to wizard had been relatively smooth. Maybe their extended run made the werewolf too tired to fight against its host. There was no evidence of recent trauma on Remus Lupin’s sparsely freckled skin. He was so handsome. The lines around his eyes made him appear years older than Sirius rather than months younger, but now they were softened by repose. His everyday mildness contrasted with his monthly wildness in a way that made Sirius more than horny. Sirius loved Remus too much for this to be a crush. He pressed both hands beneath his cheek to refrain from touching his boyfriend’s closed eyelids.

“I want to touch you,” Sirius whispered without expecting a response. “Wish we hadn’t promised our friends to wait until we were out of school.”

“We’re not in school,” Remus whispered back. He opened his eyes and smiled at Sirius’s surprise.

They moved in sync, reaching for each other beneath the bedclothes as their lips met. Every touch was tentative, intimate, arousing, and satisfying. There was no need to rush. Getting to know each other like this, without fear of interruption, brought them intense pleasure with no pressure.

Sirius used both hands and his mouth to bring Remus undone. His starting effort was embarrassingly gauche, but the sounds Remus made and the ways he moved gave Sirius a sense of rapturous triumph.

Sirius wiped his mouth as Remus hauled him up by the hair for a kiss. They chuckled at the slightly nasty reality before deciding to let passion rule, kissing deeply and tussling gently on the bed until Sirius felt able to grind against Remus. It was easy let go when Remus wrapped every limb around him and gasped “Yes, Sirius, yes, cover me.”

They felt a little uncomfortable afterward, though. They’d both said and done things they’d never thought about before. That spunky kiss, for example…

“Definitely an out of school activity,” Sirius tried to quip while they cleaned up, which was not a glamorous process. Remus leaned across for a kiss and his pyjamas as Sirius Vanished the wads of tissues with his wand. Sirius put a hand on Remus’s wrist. “Would you mind, not, putting those back on? I don’t mean we’ll be doing this again, not so soon. Sleeping nude is about as vulnerable as you can get. To prove you can—and do—trust me after my stupid mistake… I didn’t invite you here just to get you into bed.”

“Drat,” said Remus, “because that’s the only reason I said yes.” Then he smiled and pushed his pyjamas onto the floor. The flirty chuckle as he hastened under the covers made Sirius laugh. The laughter stopped as Remus ran trembling fingertips up along Sirius’ spine. “I already love you, Sirius. The man you hope to be fits together perfectly with the man I hope to be.” The fingers stopped their journey to drum thoughtfully. Sirius looked over his shoulder and their eyes met. “When we…” Remus coughed shyly. “When we do more than we’ve done today—how do we know who, um…because I don’t have a preference yet.”

Neither did Sirius. “I guess we’ll just know when we get there. Instinct predates _the Joy of Sex_ by a few millennia.”

Remus laughed and Sirius hunkered down beside him under the covers. “What?” Remus asked, and Sirius realised he’d been staring.

“You’re the most remarkable **anyone** I’ve ever met. I’m so lucky you love me.”

Warm arms reached and wrapped around him as Remus kissed him so deeply that Sirius feared he may drown in the moment and never try to leave. They cuddled and kissed for a wonderfully long time, until instinct took over and they became lovers as men.

**Harvest Moon**

Remus finished his coffee and let the mug levitate to the circular lamp table beside his patchwork couch while he turned the page in _The Daily Poo-fest_. Toilet paper and kindling, that’s all _The Prophet_ was good for lately. Reeter Skeeter’s ridiculous coverage of the Tri-Wizard Tournament certainly sparked a continuing downward trend in journalistic integrity. Lucky for Sirius, Remus supposed as he settled in to read the latest Black spotting. His left hand automatically reached for Padfoot lying on the bare wood floor but he snatched it back after a single familiar scratch. That scratch didn’t have the same meaning for them anymore.

The dog nudged Remus’ thigh with his broad black nose and looked at him in the manner of “What’s wrong?”

“Never completely—that was the promise you made when we were fifteen. But you thought…” The concept was overwhelming. Years of pent up… ** _everything_** , brought Remus to his feet and he began to pace. “I had no idea that, day by day, you were letting me go.”

The wizard sat in the dog’s place, legs crossed and hands on ankles. “Never completely,” Sirius insisted. “Azkaban’s guards weren’t interested in my happy memories because they’d all been soured by Peter’s betrayal and my wrongful suspicion of you. Did you ever think, during my time in Azkaban, that I might not belong there?”

Remus shrugged with his hands gesturing surrender. “How? Why? Since the age of eleven I’ve seen how cruel, petty, vengeful, and senseless you can be.”

Sirius glowered at Remus then stared at a nail in the floorboard between them.

“I also saw how magnificent you are, until our best friends were set up and murdered. Then, like you said, my favourite memories of you soured.” Remus sat again. “The moment I discovered Peter was alive. That was when I began to wonder and hope that you’d never belonged in Azkaban. My first duty was to Harry. Not just as his teacher but because he’s the son of two of the best friends anyone could ever have, and the godson of the only man—young or old—that I’ll ever love. Then I saw you…” Remus gently lifted Sirius’s chin and took in every detail of Sirius’ face as he’d wanted to do then. There hadn’t been time. “The first thing I did was leave that child and his friends defenceless in order to hold you again.” Remus curled in on himself, hugging his shoulders and rocking slightly on the edge of his seat. “It could have gone so horridly wrong if you’d been conspiring with Peter rather than innocent. Merlin’s hat and wand, Sirius! Why did you go after Peter without telling me? Why didn’t you tell me he was at Hogwarts? Why did you not trust me fourteen years ago?” Remus felt pain in each shoulder and realised he’d clutched them angrily, almost clawing himself. He moved his hands and sat on them so Sirius wouldn’t notice.

Sirius didn’t. He squirmed and ran both hands through his hair. “You were nice to Death Eaters.”

Remus straightened up. He was pleased to see Sirius appreciated how lamely juvenile that sounded. “Merciful is not the same as nice. James was far more merciful than I am. Did you ever suspect **him** of being a traitor?”

“James never set a captured Death Eater free.”

“That’s it?” Remus exclaimed in aching surprise. “Regulus was your brother! He made some dangerously stupid choices, like you did when you were his age. He was barely more than a child! I couldn’t let him go to Azkaban. Merlin’s flatulent arsehole, Sirius! I offered your brother redemption—which even you believe he died trying to achieve—and the three of you held it against me?”

Sirius shook his head. “Peter insisted we were being paranoid, that only our bad influence stopped you being equally nice to everyone from the start. He was always the most protective of you, Remus. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs would have spent every full moon in the Shrieking Shack if Peter had his way.”

Remus didn’t want to think of pre-evil Peter. “You didn’t offer a defence once you were caught,” he said angrily because Sirius shouldn’t have gone to Azkaban either.

“I DIDN’T GET A TRIAL.”

Remus stared at his hands while fretfully rubbing the inseams of his trousers. “I should have believed in you and demanded fair process.”

“You **didn’t know**. I felt responsible, Remus, and always will.” Sirius reached out to still Remus’ hands.

Remus wanted to cry because Sirius was willing to waste what physical strength he had left on comforting Remus despite being so damaged and thin. Remus loved him a phenomenal amount and was so grateful to have him back, whatever the circumstance. He hooked their fingers together and looked Sirius in the eye. “Let’s not let Voldemort or the mistakes of our past keep us apart any longer,” he told Sirius.

Sirius used both thumbs to caress the back of Remus’ hands. “I’ve missed you,” Sirius said solemnly. “I love you, and can’t wait to forgive you.”

“My thoughts exactly,” said Remus. He smiled gently while shaking his hands loose from Sirius’ grasp so he could comb them through the long snarls of hair above and behind Sirius’ ears. Sirius closed his eyes and made that delightfully soft ‘mm’ sound. Remus kissed him directly between the eyes and felt him relax before kissing him softly on the mouth. Sirius paid him back with a gracefully grateful kiss followed by a casual, lip-smacking quick one, then drew back to become Padfoot again and return to his original position on the floor. Remus knew the difference between Sirius going Padfoot for fun, comfort, to sulk, or so he didn’t have to talk. He understood why Sirius chose to be Padfoot now. Remus lay back on the couch and tucked his left hand behind Padfoot’s right ear to resume the traditional scratch-pat that meant ‘I love you’. Padfoot’s low, throaty rumble meant ‘I love you too’. They’d been saying it this way for months before either felt able to put it into words. Remus remembered how they’d laughed after figuring that out.

Some minutes later, Padfoot nosed the day’s newspaper across the floor then leapt onto Remus’ feet as Remus picked it up.

“Want to know where you are today?” Remus asked. Padfoot’s tail beat against the armrest to say yes. Remus left one foot tucked under Padfoot and rested the other across Padfoot’s back. Padfoot rested his head on his paws and watched as Remus read aloud about the latest reported location of notorious war criminal and prison escapee, Sirius Black. Padfoot huffed in the canine version of derisive laughter then wagged his tail when Remus chortled that it was good to have him back. “You can sleep in the bed with me tonight,” Remus told him, “but not as Padfoot.”

The dog became the wizard as he sat up and was entirely Sirius to lay cuddled beside Remus. Remus dropped the paper on the floor and held the man he loved, arms round each other, legs overlapping, silently grateful to be together again. The fingertips of his left hand gently massaged the bony area behind Sirius’ right ear. Sirius hummed ‘mm’ and snuggled closer. His heavy head fit perfectly into the dip of Remus’ shoulder. They soon slipped into a doze, content.

~ End ~ 


End file.
